


Sometimes

by The_Hawk_Eye



Category: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, References to Depression, Shame, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 22:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20628881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hawk_Eye/pseuds/The_Hawk_Eye
Summary: Sometimes, they drink too much and end in Rick’s house. It is easier that way, when they are drunk and can blame the alcohol and act like nothing happened the night before. Sometimes, they drink just to have an excuse to end naked and desperate in Rick’s bed, or Rick’s sofa, or Rick’s pool.





	Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language and during this summer I haven't written anything in Englihs and I feel clumsy with the grammar and vocabulary... Sorry for the mistakes you will find.
> 
> I just watched the film and I needed to write something about them. I wanted to do something different but I was unable to. The angst possessed me.

Sometimes, they fuck.

Sometimes, they drink too much and end in Rick’s house. It is easier that way, when they are drunk and can blame the alcohol and act like nothing happened the night before. Sometimes, they drink just to have an excuse to end naked and desperate in Rick’s bed, or Rick’s sofa, or Rick’s pool. The next morning Cliff makes coffee and Rick laughs about how much they drank last night. They don’t talk about what happened, Rick acts like he doesn’t remember the last part and Cliff does the same. That is the deal.

The only time Cliff tried to kiss Rick without having alcohol running through his veins, Rick stopped him with a plea in his beautiful blue eyes. “Don’t… pl-please…” He begged and Cliff understood what he was asking for. Cliff respected Rick’s plea and never tried to do the same ever again. It is better that way.

Rick needs the alcohol to have a certain control in his life. The alcohol is killing him but, at the same time, is saving him. The alcohol gives him excuses for all the things he can’t control and Rick needs those excuses. Rick is well aware of what he is. In his mind he knows he is a pussy. Rick knows he loves Cliff and he loves having him inside. Rick loves kissing his skin and touching his scars. He loves the man. He knows he is a piece of shit in love with his best buddy, but he can’t accept that out loud.

Rick Dalton can’t be a pussy. He can’t just be that. And Rick drinks every night to forget what he is and to have the perfect excuse to love Cliff with no worries during some hours. And the next morning he can forget.

Sometimes, Rick doesn’t want to forget. Some days, Rick wants to be what he is. There are days in which Rick would want to be honest with himself and Cliff, those days he could kiss Cliff completely sober and would tell him all the things that torment him. However, those days, he ends drinking alone in his pool to drown those feelings deep down. Rick Dalton can’t be honest if he wants to survive in Hollywood.

Rick drinks one whisky sour after another. Rick drinks while studying his lines. It is better for them. There is no free love for Rick Dalton. And he drinks till he loses control over his own actions. And sometimes, he calls Cliff crying. He talks with him for hours and apologizes and tells him how he feels. And the next morning, he doesn’t remember what he did for real. He knows he has made a mistake but he can’t remember it and Cliff never says anything. Cliff appears in his house with his old blue car and a smile, and he never says anything about what happened. Therefore, Rick can breathe again and fall into their dynamic.

Sometimes, Rick thinks about dying. He drinks and ends in front of mirror yelling at his reflection. He shouts all the things that cross his mind. He stutters while yelling and he feels like a complete failure. He is a useless drunkard that deserves to die drowning in his pool after having too much whisky sours. He splutters the words nervously with no order till his throat is sour and Rick ends with a drink in his hand in the pool thinking about his death in that pool. However, he goes to bed and remember Cliff’s smile. That smile is worth living for.

Sometimes, they fuck and Rick can feel the guilty clinging to his heart and lungs. And Rick feels like he is drowning next to Cliff. In those moments Cliff smiles at him. “Never forget this.” His voice sounds warm. “You’re Rick fukin’ Dalton.” Rick hugs Cliff and breathes against his skin with a smile. And only when he has Cliff’s arms around him, Rick doesn’t need another drink.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. Rick was my favourite character. I loved the scene in the caravan and all the moments he was drinking and crying. I want to write more about their relationship and dynamic because it was lovely.
> 
> The end is a bit abrupt but I wasn't sure where I was going, sorry!
> 
> Kudos and kudos are wolcomed!


End file.
